Fourth Career Decided Before Second Realized

When you are invited to my home for dinner, it is a given that there will be a Dad and a TV waiting with open suppressing arms afterwards. Unless, upon arrival, you find that your home team has traded you to team Gramma [without consulting you, of course, why be fair about it?] because you don't call or visit enough. Then a whole new set of arms and prime-time programming await.

To give the situation credit, it started out with a few laughs tonight. [Actually...let's be honest with each other: The evening began late afternoon, during a marimba rehearsal, with a call from Mom asking if I was going to be able to swing by early and possibly pick-up an onion for her. Well, sure, but an onion is usually the first vegetable to sautee. Oooh, great, I get it, you want me to cook the entire meal for you, too. This eventually came out after purchasing the onion, via second call while parked outside Kwik Trip.] On the day-to-day, I don't make time for television, so it's a treat when a re-run of 30 Rock airs at the approximate time I recline with an afghan and an air of ambivalence. Quote of the night, "We all make mistakes. I once french kissed a dog at a party to try to impress what turned out to be a very tall 12 year old." No? Yes? Ah, Liz Lemon, I get you.

Then fate sucker-punched me in the temple, American Idol followed. I won't say anything more, because what could I say in less than 500 words? My boredom, fidgeting, complaining, found a more creative avenue: all of the previous, but online. Here we are, and I've not quite gotten to the point of this post [see title].

I've been driving to the university gym located a mile from my sublet nearly every night for the past month. [What a transition, natural writer, clearly] I started going just to go, fill the void that school/practice/homework typically consumes during the semester. At this point, I would probably need two more beers at night just to relax enough to fall asleep if I didn't go. What a wonderful body numbing experience it is to exert yourself to the point of sweating from unusual places. And what fun it is to watch shirtless men run, throw and jump, for free! Right. I don't work out at the same time the collegiate athletes train. I jog alongside equally out-of-shape twenty-somethings. Coordinate team colors in advance so everyone can wear shirts. [insert exasperated hand gesture]

So even though I have two years left in a piano performance b.f.a. program and there are graduate school applications on the horizon, I've decided my fourth career should be either Personal Trainer [probably to the stars] or professional-leisure Gym-Enthusiast.

My roommate, Emily, has been joining me on most occasions. I think we might pick up a basketball career while we're at it. We can play a single game spanning two courts, that is four hoops, no sweat.

Battle: Neu Hair vs Olde Hair

neu hair

The style is so Oshkosh (-1 pt)

Bartender mistakes you for boy at Ladies' Night (-5 drinks)

Shampoo and Conditioner supply expectancy triple (+1 pt)

New musk scent from using men's hair products (+1 pt)

Bad-Ass Legitimacy (+5 pts)

Dating options diminish completely (+2 sympathy pts)

Favorite plaid flannel takes extended leave of absence (+3 pts, for others)

olde hair

Little girls want to be your friend (+1 auxiliary pt)

Deceptively Younger Looking (+3 pts)

Routine Bad-Hair Days (-4 pts)

Continual sweeping of hair tones both biceps and triceps (+1 pt)

Inevitable Side-Bun (-3 pts)

Dad Approved (+2 monetary pts)

Image Consistency with 1994 (-5 pts)

The Complications of Wearing a Snuggie at Work

The Packers are in the play-offs. So obviously our state's shared enthusiasm should be celebrated in the workplace. Purchasing NFL branded merchandise is [some one's] business. The dry-erase 'message' board at work had a blue-inked [um, not a Packer color] mandatory message that read: Friday and Saturday workers wear Packer apparel.

Two weekends ago I came into owning a child's Packer snuggie. So last year's unfortunate borrowing of Mom's polyester jersey-nightgown nightmare will remain just that. For some odd reason, my suggestion of wearing a snuggie to work was not immediately rejected by Julie, office manager. This whole 'you do whatever you want, you silly college kid' thing has got to go. I'm spoiled.

The snuggie was a gift from Brett, my brother-in-law. Apparently he received two Packer snuggies as gifts last year, [reference photo from previous 'Christmas In Review' post] and one was sized perfect for me, a woman [I swear it] in a child's body. I was cold and they are deceivingly warm --you cannot leave the couch. Mike knows what I mean.

Okay, so beyond the obvious 'hey, jerk, you look like an idiot' stare-downs, which stung like rubber arrows, the following complications of navigating a doctor's office in an awkward body blanket ensued:

- I think it is worth repeating the first sentence of the previous paragraph, if only to note that the perps included ten year old girls. oh stop it, you have five years till high school.

- it is impossible to sneak around the office, say, for a refill of coffee, because your body mass has doubled.

- there are a lot of mirrors in the office.

- there is no back closure, the side flaps drag and catch on anything from doorways to coworkers' starchy pants.

- the many folds entice and hoard pens and cheetos.

- cold-back syndrome. this is serious!

- your co-workers encourage you to house the snuggie at work and wear again.

cannot wait for tomorrow.

Cabin Log: Bike Tour

Preface: The Cabin Log is a journal that my family updates, with quips and stories, each and every visit to the cabin.

Entry Date: May 3rd, 2007

Riding Tips:

1. Leather: It is not always about fashion. While some might consider chaps an ugly cousin to overalls, it is really about keeping your body above 80 degrees; and darn it, they work real well.
2. Comfortable Riding Distance: When riding passenger, you need to keep a comfortable distance between you and your driver at take off, or else you will end up head-butting your driver.
3. Safety Glasses: It is not always about fashion, part deux. When you're cruising above 70 mph, the sheer force of the wind could shatter glass lenses, or at least create a dangerous situation when gravel and such is propelled into your face. (Which I experienced twice, on my forehead).
4. Conversation: Do not try making conversation with your driver. It is near impossible. Espcially if they are 53 years old, wearing ear plugs and partially deaf.
5. Lack of Conversation: Come prepared with a hell of a lot to think about.
6. Neck Muscle Building: A beefy neck is most important. Helmets are heavy.

I recommend a tour de force with a little rumble in the trunk. You can experience many new things, like: country highways, towns called Shiocton, roadkill (up close), and my personal favorite: watching other people drive.

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Christmas In Review

Christmas time is chock full of tradition in my family. Below is a sampling of the sweet, comical, and sometimes bizarre:

THE CUT-OUT COOKIES

One man's snowman is another's canvas for corn-rows and creative red-hot placement. To the frustration of everyone, I average about seven to eight cookies per hour.

THE 'SHARED GIFT'

Every Christmas, Gramma gives my sister and I a new game as a shared gift. However, until this year, there was no practical way to share the gifts. No one ever said anything to Gramma, it was a present after all, but Carebear and I always exchanged the customary raising of the eyebrows with every unwrapping. Needless to say, without the burden of traveling by carry-on bag only, Carebear claimed sole ownership of the loot! And can you believe, she still complains about the time I stole some of her DVDs and took them with me to NY...sounds pretty generous to me.

THE COMPETITIVE PUZZLE STOCKING STUFFER

Note: Packer Snuggie!

Mom's new tradition the past couple of years is to pit me, my sister and my sister's husband against eachother in a timed puzzle competition. This year I fell into last place during both rounds. I don't remember the entire event, I know it didn't begin until 11:30pm or so, and I do remember having my first cocktail around 4:30PM... At one point, after both Carrie and Brett had finished their puzzles [and after Mom snapped their victorious winner, and runner-up, photos; fingers raised indicating position earned] I let out an exasperated, "This isn't fair! This puzzle doesn't even fit together!" I'm pretty sure, around that point in the evening, my family started referring to me as 'drunk santa.'

HATS ON DOGS

Jack was not having it. And of course, when we gave second dibs to Cody, he wasn't having that either.

DELICIOUS HAM

Probably my most favorite food in the whole entire world. I ate at least a half-pound of shavings before the prayer of Grace. In a new tradition: I carve the ham! Very very exciting in my world.

DOG DESTROYS SOMETHING

GRASSHOPPERS

Customary holiday beverage since before the pre-teen years. I tried introducing a couple new ice cream drinks in the past, but let's just say: disaster. Ice cream doesn't make everything taste good, and on more occasions than not: amaretto kind of sucks.

FAMILY PHOTO

Three instead of five is what happens when folks get married: two have to leave the party before family photo time to attend other parties. Or in their marital bliss, they float upwards.

THE 'FUNNY' CALENDAR STOCKING STUFFER

Joy, I got 'Go-Girl.' Now actually envious of Party Animals.

All my best to you and your families. Hope you all shared many laughs.

'till New Years...

Snow Experience

Wisconsin's Advantage, #1

Your car can double as a refrigerator.

Scene:

Friday night, 5:40PM, running out the side door into the garage with hopes that my car would be ready to drive after only three minutes to warm-up. When I'm due somewhere at a certain time, I like to plan it so that I arrive right on time. Considering it only takes 40 minutes to get into Appleton, and dress rehearsal didn't being until 6:30PM, I was golden. Except, at 5:35PM, my tummy whined for an Eaton's sandwich; so I called-in an order for pick-up. I was pushing the clock, but decided I'd feel less bad showing up late with a full stomach than sitting through a four hour rehearsal with thoughts of mayonnaise and white bread dancing in my head.

I zoomed into town and pulled into Eaton's parking lot a little too quick, but there were two other cars about to turn in before me and there was no way I'd let them get ahead of me in line, senior citizens or not. I was pulling off my seat-belt before I finished the full turn into the stall. I made an a-line straight up to the counter for my just-toasted sub, neatly packed in a brown paper bag. I gave the girl at the counter a twenty, and while she was making my change, I began making plans as to how best to eat the sandwich while driving. I decided my two biggest obstacles to avoid were: causing an accident and squeezing mayo onto my black wool coat.

I'm not very good at multi-tasking behind the wheel, which is probably to the benefit of drivers everywhere. However, I kept the sandwich within reach on my lap [resting in the torn open paper bag] the entire ride and managed a few monster bites after returning to the non-passing lane with cruise-control set. The healthy looking sandwich was barely touched when I had to put it down to run yet again, but it didn't really make a hell of a difference, because at 10:35PM, the sandwich was still perfectly in tact and the bread still had chew.

I was so pleasantly surprised! I even called MK on my drive home to revel in the delight.

And that, in my opinion, gives validation to the temperature.

And maybe you just had to be there!